I read this just now:

Robert Pattinson’s stalker threat

Monday, 2 February 2009

Robert Pattinson might have millions of female fans but some of them are quite scary.

Poor Rob can’t even find refuge at home.

Click here to see the latest photos of Robert and Kristen >

They have found out where he lives and they are determined to get to know the Twilight star personally.

Rob told OK magazine: “There was a group of girls that left little notes in my car, outside of my apartment.

“One of the first notes said: I’m not weird, but please call me.

“The next day the note said: Please don’t ignore me.

“And the next day it said I’m going to kill myself if you keep ignoring me! (but I’m not weird, ok?).”

Ladies, ladies, please. A little decorum. Don’t leave notes on his car. That will only make him stay home and then where will we be? Without new pictures of Rob. Instead, leave notes for him on your blogs. Make him stalk you. Do you think he doesn’t Google himself? Here, like this:

January 25, 2009

Dear Rob,
As of Friday, I am between jobs. The economy being what it is, no one is hiring travel agents. I am smarting from being let go, and my soul is in need of a little inspiration after too many years as a corporate drone. I am pursuing a new, more pleasing line of work: Kept Woman. You are at the very top of my list for Sugar Daddy candidates, though I realize that since I am quite a bit older than you Daddy might not be an appropriate term. I am eager to please, however, so I’ll call you anything you like. I assure you I am quite creative and accomplished in, shall we say, the appropriate skill set. I am a self-starter who is comfortable taking the initiative, but I am also a team player, if you take my meaning. In addition I am independent, needing my fair share of alone time. While I do enjoy affection and romance, I am not needy, nor am I clingy. I do not require anything fancy. I prefer Converse to couture, take-out to tofu. And marriage is not on the table. This is strictly a temporary position. In short, if the following qualities appeal to you, give me a call. We’ll start by going out for a few drinks, get a quick bite, and see where it leads.

  • Self-starter
  • Team player
  • Comfortable taking initiative
  • Eager to please
  • Experienced
  • Creative and accomplished
  • Independent
  • Affectionate and romantic
  • Low maintenance


If you prefer not to sully your own blog with evidence of your stalker tendencies, you can always visit my friends at Letters to Rob. Tell them their #1 Fan sent you.