Dear Annette,

I feel like I have known you for years. Our mutual friend, Patty, has been telling me about your adventures in college for almost as long as I’ve known her. I have long admired the important work you did in the state of Washington. Imagine our surprise when we found out about your new vocation! I had of course already heard about Dazzled By Twilight, but I had know way of knowing that Patty’s Annette and Dazzled’s Annette were one in the same!

It sounds like you and I discovered Twilight around the same time. I can assure you I’m just as devoted a fan even though I’m not quite as out there in the public eye as you are. I have a semi-anonymous Twilight blog, but I don’t do a podcast or run a store devoted to Twilight or anything. Speaking of that, I thought about sending you my resume when I lost my job in January, but then I realized I wasn’t quite ready for that kind of move. Consider me for any locations in Phoenix though. I’d be happy to represent for Bella’s home town.

You’re probably still wondering who I am. I am the one who sent those girls into your store to meet you today. My friend E and her friend M are in Forks for Bella’s Birthday festivities. I sent them with my very own Twilight scavenger hunt, which I hear you took a look at. One of the items on the list was to get a picture with you. E called me from your store today to let me know she’d just met you. I can’t wait for Patty to see the picture. I meant for it to be a surprise, but now I wish I’d talked to her first. She said you would have gotten a kick out of helping them find a Statue of Liberty paperweight.

It’s past my bedtime so I’ll close with a big Happy Birthday To You! Sharing Bella’s birthday is pretty much like being born on the 4th of July for a Twilighter, I imagine. Fireworks and parades and whatnot. Cool. I do know you’ll probably be working hard so I hope you get some time to enjoy the festivities. I also hope to meet you soon, and not just because that’ll mean I’m in Forks.

♥Christa

You searched: “nathan fillion” “june 2009” .  I hear ya! He is stalkable yummy isn’t he?

You searched: ‘forks harry potter’ .  Um, what? Are you looking for Rob?

You searched: bella swan porne .  I know who you are! Don’t think adding that fancy ‘e’ on the end will fool me.

You searched: twilight 3 auditions az june 10, 2009 . Click here and here daily. Rinse. Repeat.

You searched: jacob black 8 pack .  If you are not 14-17, shame on you! Somebody call Chris Hansen!

You searched: unicorn theory .  Click here and here.

Thanks to StephenieMeyer.com and Caroolee7 I have seen the New Moon trailer. Thank you, really!

I guess we’ll know for sure tomorrow, or later today, depending on your time zone. The reason I’m skeptical is that I’ve been saying for months that Summit should take a cue from the fanmades out there, and when does Summit ever listen to me?

Official New Moon Poster [HQ] by slowdownsugar.

Edit: Apologies to Spunk-Ransom, who took such offense to me linking the photo to their site to give them props for posting it that they felt the need to change the photo on me. Thanks to KQ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/slowdownsugar/3544846458/ for showing me the way to this poster.

Hello World! It’s official. I’ve been blogging for a year as of today. It’s been a crazy ride. At  first I didn’t really know what to do, but quickly caught on that if I post about Twilight, I get a ton of views. (Thank you Stephenie Meyer!) My following is steadily growing. As of this minute I’ve had 14,315 views, most of them related to either Luke Grimes or the New Moon casting call in Phoenix that I crashed, with a bit of ‘Bella Swan Porn’ thrown in for good measure.

Thank you all for continuing to show up. I can hardly wait to see what the next year has in store. As I said last year: Since this is posting after midnight somewhere, Happy Earth Day.

♥Christa

Caught you again, Bella’s Stalker. Have you escalated to full on canabalism or do you have some nice slash fic you’d like to share with the class? And whoever is searching for Jacob’s 8 pack, I hope you are under 18 or that’s just creepy. Do we need to call To Catch A Predator? Don’t think I can’t do it. I know someone who has Chris Hansen on speed dial.

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Yesterday

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Edit: This just in!

Today

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People that saw a unicorn!  LOL! I have to go search that now to see what comes up.

Dear Dirty Stalker,

I caught you.

♥Me

PS No, I have no idea how ‘Bella Swan Porn’ led you to my site. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Today

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Yes, you read that right. Bella Skywalker. This could only be a Random post, right? For those of you who don’t know, Random is my Unicorn friend–that mythical beast know as the man who reads Twilight. Out of the blue, this is how the texting started this evening, as if there had never been an interuption in last night’s text conversation.

Random: Finished New Moon today. Edward has confirmed that he’s a retard.

Me: You’re retarded! 🙂

Random: When you are over 100 years old and make Romeo look like a guy who knows how to make a plan work, that is truly special.

Me: You’re reading too much into it. That says a lot coming from me. He’s no more or less retarded than Romeo.

Random: Romeo is the king of dumb. And Edward is in his class at the very least.

(Agreed, but romance can make one stupid, especially boys.)

Random: And Bella is so typical. Although I expect that is the attraction for the target reader. She’s annoying as the heroine.

(Bella is typical in some ways which makes her relatable to a lot of readers. She a-typical in others whichs gives her the feeling of being special we all want. I relate to her in a big way, so I guess I’m annoying.)

Random: Then again, my favorite protagonists come from Ayn Rand and Isaac Asimov, so typical is not my cup of tea.

(Yeah, Random, I know you’re shocked, but I haven’t read any Rand and the Asimov I read was an excerpt or short story way back in the day. We read so many so close together in that class that I don’t remember what was his. As always, “It’s on the list.”)

Random: New Moon will make a horrible movie with Bella whining more than a Skywalker.

(Bella hurts on the inside but she suffers in silence. As a movie we shouldn’t be so “in her head”. Maybe it won’t come off so whiney to you.)

The texts were coming fast and furious while I was trying to find some paper to print my resume on. I couldn’t get a word in so I’ve added my thoughts in ( ).

I sat there dumbfounded at the Skywalker remark when my phone rang. I just started laughing. Apparently Random’s hatred for all things Twilight could not longer be contained in text. Rather than forgetting the books altogether, he needed to get vocal. I was still laughing when I answered. The first thing I heard was, “Bella Skywalker.” It had the ring of an epithet. I just laughed. Typical. Trying to get under my skin, deriding two of my favorite things at once: Twilight and Star Wars. And two of my favorite characters, too. Luke and Bella are the ones I relate to. Way to push my buttons, Random.

Ok, I had to admit Luke is a bit whiney: “But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!” I didn’t read Bella as whiney though. I read her as strong. She knows what she wants and when she doesn’t get it she fights for it. She gets angry, petulant. He asserted that stamping your foot and demanding your way is just the teen version of whiney. He might have a point. But doesn’t that make the character more believable? Bella is flawed. That doesn’t mean the writing is flawed, just the opposite in my opinion.

He liked Carlisle. He relates to him most. I suppose I would have guessed that. In fact I think I did guess that once. I believe I made Random take the survey once upon a time, and predicted that he would be Carlisle. He thinks that the vampires being invincible superheroes is ridiculous, and that they should be running the world, not keeping the secret. The Volturi he thought were kind of cool. I had to admit that I never saw the point of keeping the secret even without the Volturi, as humans can’t harm vampires. But I try to let that sort of thing go. It’s fiction.

So we talked some shop, talked about the vibe at the company I no longer work for, but then we were right back to New Moon. He thought it was boring. He thought Edward was retarded. He was frustrated that Bella was going to be ok and then everything freaked out again. Basically everything I loved about the book, he hated. No big shock there.

I think the people who dislike the Twilight saga are the people who go into it expecting a vampire story. It’s a love story that just happens to have vampires and werewolves. As a friend of mine put it, it’s Vampire 90210.

We talked about the upcoming movie too. He’s convinced it will suck. He knows from the last two month’s worth of obsessing that I have my worries. If they stay true to the book, he thinks, there will be a opening scene, then a whiney birthday, a paper cut, a bit more whining, then a really long boring part in the middle, followed by about 15 minutes in Italy, and a rushed happy ending. I think that sounds about right, except that as they are actually shooting in Italy I think they plan on getting their money’s worth. If anything is going to be rushed it’s going to be the long months that Edward is gone (Random’s “really long boring part in the middle”). If they are going to screw with anything it’s going to be the beauty of Bella and Jacob’s relationship. I think they’re going to rush us back to Edward/Robert Pattinson. It’ll be tricky not having the Heart-ThRob in most of the movie.

No one I worked with recently got me like Random did. We like a lot of the same things. It is typically frustrating talking to him about geek stuff though, because we rarely agree even about the stuff we both like. No matter how frustrating, it’s always good for a laugh though. Today’s big laugh was Random saying, “If Edward had an alignment it would be Chaotic Dumb.” Thanks, Random, I needed that. I hope you had fun storming the castle tonight. And I certainly hope the Pandemic bugs didn’t get you down.

I seem to have some catching up to do. Here’s another Random post for you. One day, after The Churro Bella Incident, Random decided that churros would not be his Bella. If there were ever a food that he could fall in love with, it would be Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. I have seen him in action with the cups, my friends, and I would believe him if I were you. I thought about it. I had to think for a few minutes. I love food. Is there really just one food that is a powerful to me as Bella is to Edward? After a while I had it: chocolate and pear gelato from Arlecchino Gelateria in Phoenix. No, I can’t choose one. It’s the combination of the two that is so knee-bucklingly good. No lie. It’s the only food that’s ever made my knees buckle. I actually have an emotional reaction when I am so lucky to have this gelato, so it wins. It’s my Bella food. What’s your Bella food?

Some time after this conversation with Random he gave me one of his precious peanut butter cups (I know, right?). I was touched. It was a trap. I should have known. As I peeled off that brown paper in anticipation of a tasty morsel, Random shrieked, “What are you doing to Bella?!?” I paused. He laughed at me. Then I said, “Eatin’er!” And I took a nice big bite. I still had a mouthful when I reminded Random, “She’s not my Bella.” It was my turn to laugh at him then.

Of course I realize that this, like the Churro Bella Incident, are really exercises to try to teach me how ridiculous it is for vampires to fall in love with their food, but the joke’s really on Random. He just doesn’t get it. Vampires fall in love, it’s what they do.

I’m texting Random right now. I told him about Twilight last July when I was first reading it, and he quickly started calling it my “vampire porn”. He’s finally reading it. He started either last weekend or Monday (I found out Monday). He’s on New Moon, and now claiming he’s only reading it for his daughter.

Me: I need a picture of you reading a Twilight book! 🙂

Random: LOL. Maybe. I’m halfway through New Moon. I honestly do not see what all the fuss is about over this series.

Me: Of course you don’t. You wouldn’t like anything too many others liked. It’s just fun.

Random: Except that it was written from the point of view of a teenage girl.

Me: Think of it as recon. Know your enemy right? Well the teen years are when we lose out minds.

Random: Doc Cullen is interesting. Edward is retarded. The only real reason he loves her is he can’t read her mind.

Me: The doc is good. I disagree about Edward obviously. That gets his interest sure but after he gets to know her he loves her.

Random: (to my Recon comment) Indeed. I frequently find Bella completely annoying. The hissy fit over turning 18 would have made me put it down had T not asked me to read them.

Me: Her true love will never age. Of course she is upset. I freaked on my 18th and I didn’t have that good of a reason.

Random: He loves her? LOL…It’s pheramones and curiosity, with a dash of white knight complex.

Random: You mean her “one true love” in the 18 year old sense, I’m sure. I never got the feeling that actual love existed from either side.

Me: Yes 18YO sense. It’s fun to remember love at 18. Even more fun to throw vampire int othe mix.

Random: I might venture to say that Edward’s love for Bella exists as one may love a pet.

Me: When you’re done with the books you’ll need to read the Midnight Sun chapters online. You won’t believe me if I tell you you’re wrong. You’ll have to hear it from Edward.

Random: Ah…love at 18…That’s an all too common STD. I did like Edward’s breakdown of R and J (Romeo and Juliet) though. That, at least was spot on.

Me: You see? He’s not retarded. 🙂

Random: She does an excellent job of writing teen angst. And the doc is believable. The love story is trite, and the realism nonexistant.

Me: At least you didn’t say derivative.

Random: The Buffyverse has miles of believability over Twilight. It’s definitely not a book I haven’t been able to put down.

Random: Physically, that is. My daughter laughed her arse off at my peanut butter cup love rant.

Me: LOL! Good times. Of course you realize I’m blogging this as we speak.

Random: (back to Twilight…see how he can’t get off that topic?) It’s far from the worst thing I’ve read, but nowhere near the epic it is being made out to be in the media.

Me: No it’s not epic but I do find the love story touching. I like the verse more than Buffy’s. I don’t know that I can explain why. (without saying the words EDWARD and DUH, that is.)

Random: (back to me blogging) LOL…of course you are. I’m not saying it’s the equivalent of a boy band, but it’s close. LOL

Me: Ouch. What will you say about my vampires when the time comes for you to read my book!

Random: (back to Twilight) The verse is one of the main issues I have. If vamps are THAT all powerful, there would surely be vampire lords ruling countries.

Me: So what part are you on? I’m jealous. I wish I could read them for the first time again.

I think I lost him there. The scenario I envision is Random checking his book to tell me exactly what part he’s on and getting sucked in. Happy reading, Random!