I seem to have some catching up to do. Here’s another Random post for you. One day, after The Churro Bella Incident, Random decided that churros would not be his Bella. If there were ever a food that he could fall in love with, it would be Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. I have seen him in action with the cups, my friends, and I would believe him if I were you. I thought about it. I had to think for a few minutes. I love food. Is there really just one food that is a powerful to me as Bella is to Edward? After a while I had it: chocolate and pear gelato from Arlecchino Gelateria in Phoenix. No, I can’t choose one. It’s the combination of the two that is so knee-bucklingly good. No lie. It’s the only food that’s ever made my knees buckle. I actually have an emotional reaction when I am so lucky to have this gelato, so it wins. It’s my Bella food. What’s your Bella food?

Some time after this conversation with Random he gave me one of his precious peanut butter cups (I know, right?). I was touched. It was a trap. I should have known. As I peeled off that brown paper in anticipation of a tasty morsel, Random shrieked, “What are you doing to Bella?!?” I paused. He laughed at me. Then I said, “Eatin’er!” And I took a nice big bite. I still had a mouthful when I reminded Random, “She’s not my Bella.” It was my turn to laugh at him then.

Of course I realize that this, like the Churro Bella Incident, are really exercises to try to teach me how ridiculous it is for vampires to fall in love with their food, but the joke’s really on Random. He just doesn’t get it. Vampires fall in love, it’s what they do.

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Random tormented me all day at work yesterday with a Jack in the Box mini-churro, which he named Bella. All day he crooned to his little churro about how delicate yet delicious she was. It went something like this.

Random: Bella, I love you. How will I ever resist the urge to eat you? You smell too good.

Churro-Bella: (silence)

Me: Ha. Ha. Very funny, Random.

…Time passes…

Random: You are so fragile, Bella. I could so easily crush you with my superhero strength.

Churro-Bella: (silence)

Me: Churro would be a funny nickname for Edward to give Bella.

…Time passes…slowly…

Random: Bella your friends have all been so tasty. I’m sure you will be even tastier. But no! I can’t!

Churro-Bella: (thoughts still a mystery)

Me: You’re eating others? You’re cheating on Churro-Bella?

Random: It’s just good business. You don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Me: You said you loved her! It’s not business!

Random: It’s business of the heart. Besides, I’m eating her competition.

Me: It’s Bella! There is no competition!

Random: Nom. Nom. Nom.

Churro-Bella: (giving Random the cold shoulder)

…Is it break time yet?…

Random: Bella, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. Will I be able to save you until tomorrow? —

Me: I’m off tomorrow.

Random: Will I be able to save you until Thursday? Shall I build a house for you? (writes ‘Bella’ on the side of the mini-churro box)

Me: (points out how I’ve written GAZA on the divider between our desks)

Churro-Bella: (lounging in her knew crib)

…Will this day ever end?…

Random: Bella, I adore you. Shall I watch over you as you sleep?

Me: Good god! Haven’t you finished those damn churros yet? It’s been all day! How many come in a box?

Random: Ten. And I’m finished now. Nom. Nom. Nom. It’s just me and Bella now.

Me: Aww. I’m happy for you both.

Random: I think we can be happy together.

Me: I expect that churro to still be there Thursday.