The other day Old Man Bobby and I were listening to some Sketching in Stereo and talking about our buddies from the band. I was shocked to find that Rob had been hit by a cab in NYC. I didn’t even know Rob was in NYC! Old Man Bobby promised Rob was OK, and went on to ask if Charlie’s troubles were over. Neither of us knew. (We’re thinking of you Chaaaarrrlieee!)

Imagine my surprise when the very next day I read on Letters to Twilight that Robert Pattinson had been hit by a NYC cab. What a coinci–! My thought process went something like this: “Son of a bitch! Old Man Bobby let me go on and on about Rockstar Rob and didn’t tell me he was talking about RPattz! How embarrassing! I’m glad it was just us in the car.”

So later I told him I had a bone to pick. The use of the word Bone always gets his attention, naturally. When he caught on to my tone he got a little nervous. I chastised him for letting me go on and on about Rockstar Rob like that. He had no idea what I was talking about. I reminded him we had been talking about Sketching in Stereo, then he told me about Rob, and then we started talking about Charlie, and I asked him what part of that conversation was supposed to clue me in that he was talking about RPattz. Warn a girl when your mental train jumps the tracks for crying out loud!

He was embarrassed enough that I didn’t even bring up the fact that he had referred to Robert Pattinson simply as Rob AND expected me to follow along. Not as Your Rob. Not as Rob Pattinson. Not as RPattz. Not even as The Forehead, as he normally does. Just Rob. Anyone know how to spot a Unicorn in camouflage?

BTW, I’m glad you’re OK Rob! Both of you!

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You searched: “nathan fillion” “june 2009” .  I hear ya! He is stalkable yummy isn’t he?

You searched: ‘forks harry potter’ .  Um, what? Are you looking for Rob?

You searched: bella swan porne .  I know who you are! Don’t think adding that fancy ‘e’ on the end will fool me.

You searched: twilight 3 auditions az june 10, 2009 . Click here and here daily. Rinse. Repeat.

You searched: jacob black 8 pack .  If you are not 14-17, shame on you! Somebody call Chris Hansen!

You searched: unicorn theory .  Click here and here.

Caught you again, Bella’s Stalker. Have you escalated to full on canabalism or do you have some nice slash fic you’d like to share with the class? And whoever is searching for Jacob’s 8 pack, I hope you are under 18 or that’s just creepy. Do we need to call To Catch A Predator? Don’t think I can’t do it. I know someone who has Chris Hansen on speed dial.

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Edit: This just in!

Today

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People that saw a unicorn!  LOL! I have to go search that now to see what comes up.

Yes, you read that right. Bella Skywalker. This could only be a Random post, right? For those of you who don’t know, Random is my Unicorn friend–that mythical beast know as the man who reads Twilight. Out of the blue, this is how the texting started this evening, as if there had never been an interuption in last night’s text conversation.

Random: Finished New Moon today. Edward has confirmed that he’s a retard.

Me: You’re retarded! 🙂

Random: When you are over 100 years old and make Romeo look like a guy who knows how to make a plan work, that is truly special.

Me: You’re reading too much into it. That says a lot coming from me. He’s no more or less retarded than Romeo.

Random: Romeo is the king of dumb. And Edward is in his class at the very least.

(Agreed, but romance can make one stupid, especially boys.)

Random: And Bella is so typical. Although I expect that is the attraction for the target reader. She’s annoying as the heroine.

(Bella is typical in some ways which makes her relatable to a lot of readers. She a-typical in others whichs gives her the feeling of being special we all want. I relate to her in a big way, so I guess I’m annoying.)

Random: Then again, my favorite protagonists come from Ayn Rand and Isaac Asimov, so typical is not my cup of tea.

(Yeah, Random, I know you’re shocked, but I haven’t read any Rand and the Asimov I read was an excerpt or short story way back in the day. We read so many so close together in that class that I don’t remember what was his. As always, “It’s on the list.”)

Random: New Moon will make a horrible movie with Bella whining more than a Skywalker.

(Bella hurts on the inside but she suffers in silence. As a movie we shouldn’t be so “in her head”. Maybe it won’t come off so whiney to you.)

The texts were coming fast and furious while I was trying to find some paper to print my resume on. I couldn’t get a word in so I’ve added my thoughts in ( ).

I sat there dumbfounded at the Skywalker remark when my phone rang. I just started laughing. Apparently Random’s hatred for all things Twilight could not longer be contained in text. Rather than forgetting the books altogether, he needed to get vocal. I was still laughing when I answered. The first thing I heard was, “Bella Skywalker.” It had the ring of an epithet. I just laughed. Typical. Trying to get under my skin, deriding two of my favorite things at once: Twilight and Star Wars. And two of my favorite characters, too. Luke and Bella are the ones I relate to. Way to push my buttons, Random.

Ok, I had to admit Luke is a bit whiney: “But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters!” I didn’t read Bella as whiney though. I read her as strong. She knows what she wants and when she doesn’t get it she fights for it. She gets angry, petulant. He asserted that stamping your foot and demanding your way is just the teen version of whiney. He might have a point. But doesn’t that make the character more believable? Bella is flawed. That doesn’t mean the writing is flawed, just the opposite in my opinion.

He liked Carlisle. He relates to him most. I suppose I would have guessed that. In fact I think I did guess that once. I believe I made Random take the survey once upon a time, and predicted that he would be Carlisle. He thinks that the vampires being invincible superheroes is ridiculous, and that they should be running the world, not keeping the secret. The Volturi he thought were kind of cool. I had to admit that I never saw the point of keeping the secret even without the Volturi, as humans can’t harm vampires. But I try to let that sort of thing go. It’s fiction.

So we talked some shop, talked about the vibe at the company I no longer work for, but then we were right back to New Moon. He thought it was boring. He thought Edward was retarded. He was frustrated that Bella was going to be ok and then everything freaked out again. Basically everything I loved about the book, he hated. No big shock there.

I think the people who dislike the Twilight saga are the people who go into it expecting a vampire story. It’s a love story that just happens to have vampires and werewolves. As a friend of mine put it, it’s Vampire 90210.

We talked about the upcoming movie too. He’s convinced it will suck. He knows from the last two month’s worth of obsessing that I have my worries. If they stay true to the book, he thinks, there will be a opening scene, then a whiney birthday, a paper cut, a bit more whining, then a really long boring part in the middle, followed by about 15 minutes in Italy, and a rushed happy ending. I think that sounds about right, except that as they are actually shooting in Italy I think they plan on getting their money’s worth. If anything is going to be rushed it’s going to be the long months that Edward is gone (Random’s “really long boring part in the middle”). If they are going to screw with anything it’s going to be the beauty of Bella and Jacob’s relationship. I think they’re going to rush us back to Edward/Robert Pattinson. It’ll be tricky not having the Heart-ThRob in most of the movie.

No one I worked with recently got me like Random did. We like a lot of the same things. It is typically frustrating talking to him about geek stuff though, because we rarely agree even about the stuff we both like. No matter how frustrating, it’s always good for a laugh though. Today’s big laugh was Random saying, “If Edward had an alignment it would be Chaotic Dumb.” Thanks, Random, I needed that. I hope you had fun storming the castle tonight. And I certainly hope the Pandemic bugs didn’t get you down.

Since I posted I Saw A Unicorn there has been some talk on Letters to Twilight about Unicorns, essentially men who read Twilight in public. The discussion got me thinking about my actual first Unicorn sighting. As I mentioned in what I believe was my first post about Twilight, Hello from Forks, WA, the first person I remember reading Twilight was Bryan. We happened to be traveling together on a business trip. I witnessed him reading Twilight at the airport, a couple days later I finally asked him what he was reading so obsessively. By this time he was on New Moon. He was pulling it out every chance he got, including while we were on our bus tour to the Chinese Theater. I had to break my rule of not interrupting public reading to ask because his behavior was beyond ridiculous. He told me about it briefly and went back to reading.

Now that I look back on this with a new perspective, I realize that Bryan was a Unicorn. I don’t know how he ever picked it up, but I do know that he was obsessed. He’d brought both Twilight and New Moon on a 4-day business trip and was worried about having enough reading material to make it back to Phoenix from LA. This was an awards trip, where the focus is having fun with fellow award winners and he was spending it reading whenever possible. I’m glad that I did not start reading until after I got back from my trip. If I had been in LA when Edward left Bella, and I’d had to leave my room to go to a dinner or to take a tour or to attend a meeting, it would have been a very different trip. Or maybe I would have been reading New Moon next to Bryan on a bus instead of Mr. 24a on a plane. Ok, I’ll be honest. I still would have been reading it with 24a.

So, have you spotted any Unicorns? Were they all in airports? I’ve spotted two at work, but to be honest, they were people in my own coven. That is, I turned them myself.

And by that I mean a mythical beast: a grown man reading New Moon in public.

Let me preface this story by saying that I may have had a break with reality or two yesterday. I was thirsty, tired from too much Guitar Hero the night before (I rock Linkin Park, BTW–99%!), my flight was delayed making me worry about making my connection, and our plane was taken out of service meaning we had to run to our new gate. That being said, I thought I saw Robert Pattinson at O’Hare, from a distance, until I reminded myself that my friends at Letters to Rob had informed me that Rob was in London for his holidays. Then when I  boarded my plane a man who looked remarkably like Peter Facinelli was sitting in First Class. No lie.

So anyway, I was flying from Chicago O’Hare to Las Vegas yesterday, 28Dec08, on AA1599, on my way home to Phoenix. I had just sat down when Mr. 24A showed up. I was on the aisle. Being the nice girl I am, I let him get to his seat quickly, then sat back down to rummage through my backpack and get situated. As I reached for my copy of New Moon, anxious to get on with my fourth read-through, I noticed the back of a familiar book. It was a Twilight book. I waited to see which one, and then I saw the flower. We were reading the same book. I laughed and he looked at me as I pulled out my book and said, “Yeah, me too.” He nodded at me, and dove into his book. The man did not utter a word to me then, nor through the rest of the 4 hour flight. I believe the only times he looked up from his book were when the beverage service took his order, and when he suddenly gasped/sighed and leaned his head back, eyes closed. He was only distracted for a moment in both cases. He chugged his OJ, I assume so he could get back to his book.

I was so uncomfortable on the plane that I was fidgeting a bit, plus I really had to pee and was waiting for the pilot to turn off the Fasten Seatbelt sign. My mind wandered to the curious gentleman next to me, and why he did not speak to me at all. Common courtesy would dictate that we spend a moment discussing the books, and maybe how we liked the movie, before opening our books and returning to Forks. So why did he not do anything but nod?

Once I wondered if he’d taken some sort of instant dislike to me, or if I smelled. I even sniffed my hair at one point, and then laughed to myself when I realized that my mousse smells like lavender and my deodorant like freesia. Delusional as I was, I started imagining something along the lines of Edward and Bella in Biology. I of course shook that off. He just didn’t feel angry. I was still curious though so I checked him out.

Stocky Frat Boy type. Unkempt facial hair, but not completely wooly. American-style of dress. Under Armour shirt. He had two hats which was puzzling. He wore a knit cap (ironically there was a unicorn embroidered on it). He also had a fitted ball cap, which rested on his knee through the whole flight. It said Taylor U on it. I believe the knit hat was green and the cap was purple. He also had some strange green gloves, maybe motorcycle gloves. They certainly didn’t seem like they’d be warm. He mostly held his book in his left hand, so I could not tell if he wore a ring. He was about 100 pages behind me when we started. He was only 50 pages behind me when we landed. These are all things I noticed while I fidgeted. Mostly I just enjoyed my book.

Today at work I was telling Random about the strange experience. He theorized that 24A was gay and was eager to call it case closed. I tried to tell him that 24A didn’t ping on my gaydar at all. What ensued was sheer hilarity, as we came up with theory after theory about Mr. 24A’s silence. If he had only spoken to me this would never have happened. As Random said, I was stood up by a single serving friend and feeling rejected.

Theory 1: He’s gay – I don’t think so. He was much more Taylor U Football than Rip Taylor Footloose.

Theory 2: He’s shy, in which case Denise is sad for him and thinks I should have bought him a drink. I tried to make eye contact and initiate conversation, I swear!

Theory 3: He doesn’t speak English – This took some thought. I don’t remember seeing any words on his book, just the flowers. Then I remembered that he ordered his OJ with no problems and without any detectible foreign accent. Debunked.

Theory 4: He’s mute. Debunked by the memory of him ordering OJ.

Theory 5: He is a US Marshall, and New Moon was his cover. I guess I’ll never know.

Theory 6: His girlfriend/wife/SO made him read it. I couldn’t see a ring, so who knows?

Theory 7: Not only did he/she make him read it, but he/she won’t let him talk to girls on flights. That would be so sad.

Theory 8: Old Man Bobby paid him to sit next to me on the flight to test me. While I passed the test on the flight, I am now failing, as I am quasi-stalking him. Old Man Bobby laughed nervously when I told him this theory by the way.

Theory 9: He was a spy sent to the US to study teen reading habits. Terrifying.

Theory 10: He thought I was a tweeker because I couldn’t sit still and I went to the bathroom an inappropriate number of times just to have an excuse to walk around.

Theory 11: He was too embarrassed to have been caught reading a chick book to speak to me.